Margie's January Relationship Tip: New Year Relationship Maps

Welcome back Margie Lawson, Psychologist, Writer, Presenter, with more of her right-on relationship advice!

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It’s the NEW YEAR! Time to grab your honey and get him to talk to you!

Okay--not the best plan. As much as couples could benefit from sitting down and chatting about how to improve their relationship every month . . . it’s probably not going to happen.

How do you create your Relationship Map and keep him focused on your conversation?

The boring ways may not work. Anything involving a legal pad and a serious expression on your face may prompt him to have an urgent need to paint the trim on the house. :-)))

What if you SET IT UP to chat with him when he’s your captive?

When you’re on a walk. When you’re out to dinner. When the two of you are in the car. Anytime it’s just the two of you . . . and no other events are adding pressure.

Every couple needs a relationship map. Problems present when couples don’t have a map. Either they’ve never made one, or their map is outdated. When the next phase of their relationship journey is uncharted, how do they know where they’re heading?   

Start with plotting and planning the fun stuff. Save the To-Do’s and the What-You-Need for another time.

BE STRATEGIC!

1. Have your first mapping session focus on adding more good times.
2. Plan your input a few days ahead.
3. Come up with THREE POSITIVE THINGS that you think would improve your relationship. Those items likely involve spending quality time together, from Date Night at home, to Date Night on the town. From family outings to activities with couple friends, extended family, or groups of friends. It may include a Surprise Date.
4. CAUTION: No nagging about how the two of you never have time to be together. This is not the time to point out how things haven’t worked. It’s the time to map fun things for the future.
5. Be sure your voice is light, not whiney. Be sure you don’t fall into the Negative Spouse Trap. Stay positive!
6. Remember--this is not a kitchen table topic. Go to one of his favorite restaurants for a weekend breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You want his attention when he’s rested and feeling good. Or take a long walk. Go for a drive.
7. Jump in to the topic by spinning off the New Year--and how you’d like to make sure the next month is fun for you as a couple.
8. Tell him how important he is to you.
9. Ask for his ideas on what the two of you could do together--then share your three ideas.
10. KEEP IT SHORT!  THANK HIM!

It’s not therapy. It’s the first stage in creating a Relationship Map that will strengthen you as a couple. Keep your map focused on ADDING FUN TOGETHER TIMES.

If your guy would be responsive to sitting down with a legal pad and having a planning session . . . Go for it! If not--be strategic and slip it in your conversation when you’re out together.

It’s the NEW YEAR!  Put your ideas on a calendar. Make your fun times happen. Next month--grab your guy and chart your map for February. Follow up. You both want 2008 to be the best year for you as a couple.

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Margie Lawson, a counseling psychologist with a specialty in marriage and family therapy, is well known in the writing world for her expertise in Deep Editing.  Margie analyzes writing craft as well as the psyche of the writer.  She presents 1) Empowering Characters’ Emotions, 2) Deep Editing:  The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More, and 3) Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors in one and two day master classes.  She also teaches these topics in month-long on-line courses and offers Lecture Packets through PayPal from her web site.  For more information, please visit her web site, www.MargieLawson.com, or e-mail her at [email protected].

Comments

[Julie Lessman]

Love your articles, Margie!! Myra, you're a genius for having "First Fridays with Margie"!

Happy New Year, all!

Hugs,
Julie

[Myra]

Wish I could take the credit, Julie, but Margie was actually the one who brainstormed this idea for me. She is one great and very giving gal!

[Carla]

These are super ideas, Margie. I've always enjoyed road trips with Max because that is one of the times we talk about future goals, past triumphs and failures, what is going on now, etc. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and reminding us not to "whine." Not that I ever would :-))

[Janet Dean]

Margie, Great post! We used to sit down and plan for the New Year, state our goals but also give suggestions for good times. Not sure how that fell to the wayside, but I'll see what I can do to get us back on track. :-)

[Danica/Dream]

These are great ideas! Thanks for sharing!