It's another First Friday with Margie! If you've taken Margie Lawson's Deep Edits course, you are in for a treat as Margie shows us how to use her writing techniques to analyze how our marriage relationship is functioning.
DEEP EDIT YOUR MARRIAGE!
If you know me, you know I’m a Deep Edit guru. I analyze people, books, characters, plot, writing craft . . . Analysis is my world.
When thinking about writing a blog for FIRST FRIDAYS, an idea hit: Take my Five Question Scene Check list and apply it to marriage.
Deep edit your marriage?
I developed my Five Question Scene Check list (5Q) for writers to use as a tool to be sure they’ve covered all the facets of Margie-style deep editing. That’s psychologically anchored deep editing. Most of what I teach in my editing courses is what I’ve created. It’s not the editing espoused by your 10th grade English teacher.
I present my 5Q in the Deep Editing course I teach on-line this month. The 5Q consists of five main questions. The subsets are killers. :-)))
The multiple subset questions make you analyze, assess, probe, and justify each line, paragraph, page, and scene. Applying the 5Q to your manuscript is tough. Let’s see how tough those 5 questions are when we apply it to your marriage.
Here are the 5Q topic questions. We’ll dive into each question in-depth below.
1. Any missed opportunities?
2. What could enhance emotion?
3. How can I up the stakes?
4. How much can I tighten it?
5. How does it rate? Choose 1 – 10, 10 being the Best. Justify how you rated it.
Applying the 5Q topics to deep edit your marriage:
1. Any missed opportunities?
Review the last few months. Any Missed Opportunities?
What could you and your spouse do differently?
2. How much can you tighten part of your life?
What’s in your days and weeks that you could change that would make your marriage stronger? Do you lose time to watching TV?
What can you tighten in your life so you can have more quality time together?
How can you spend less time on what you like less, and more time on what you like more?
3. What could enhance emotion in your life?
Now we’re getting into the fun questions. Is your creativity meter ticking?
Adding emotion to your marriage:
- Closeness with family and friends?
- More time for spirituality?
- Giving back to the community?
- Giving back to meaningful organizations?
- Reaching out – good deeds – good times?
4. How can you up the stakes in your marriage?
How can you make your marriage more special? Not take it for granted. Focus on appreciating and experiencing and validating.
Make plans. Follow through.
Are you giving your marriage the positive attention it deserves?
5. How do you rate the energy you put into strengthening your marriage?
Choose a number from 1 to 10 and rate the amount of energy you put into strengthening your marriage last week. TEN being the most energy.
We all know life takes energy too. Yet, you could have spent some energy making your spouse feel special, appreciated, valued. If you did several things for your spouse, or for the two of you, rate your week an 8, 9. or 10. If you did a few things, rate it a 5, 6, or 7. If you did nothing to hardly anything, go for the 0 to 4.
If last week was below a 9, what could you have done differently? Were there times you could have done something different to strengthen the marriage?
Consider this rating exercise as research. Information. News-of-a-difference.
No blaming yourself. No judging.
Our lives are filled with controllable variables and uncontrollable variables. When the uncontrollables hit—you get the flu, the refrigerator quits, your mother-in-law visits for three weeks—you cope. Do what you can. Lower your expectations for quality time with your honey. Roll with change.
No need to rate those times. You weren’t in charge. Uncontrollables ruled. Focus on when you can make more good things happen in your marriage.
Share your missed opportunities (or how you’ll pursue, not pass), how you can tighten, add emotion, and up the stakes in your marriage. Put energy into strengthening your marriage.
I wish I could respond to your posts today. I’ll spend Friday flying to Detroit to present Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors in a full-day master class on Saturday. I’ll go from the airport to a group dinner – and won’t arrive at my hotel (or internet) until late evening.
I trust that you all will share your support and ideas with each other. Feel free to post:
“I bet Margie would say . . .”
Come on – you can guess how I’d respond. Dive in!
FYI: I am teaching Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More on-line this month. The class officially started on Thursday, but people can register for several more days. www.writeruniv.com
Margie Lawson, a counseling psychologist with a specialty in marriage and family therapy, is well known in the writing world for her expertise in Deep Editing. Margie analyzes writing craft as well as the psyche of the writer. She presents 1) Empowering Characters’ Emotions, 2) Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More, and 3) Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors in one and two day master classes. She also teaches these topics in month-long on-line courses and offers Lecture Packets through PayPal from her web site. For more information, please visit her web site, www.MargieLawson.com, or e-mail her at email@example.com.