Writer at Random

Hoo-boy, Tagged Again!

Debby Giusti, Love Inspired Suspense author and one of the Craftie Ladies of Suspense, has tagged me. Here are the rules:

a. Link to the person who tagged you.
b. Post the rules on your blog.
c. Write six random things about yourself.
d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blog.
e. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.
f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Okay, six random things about myself--which I have just decided will all be animal-related:

1. We have a family of rabbits living under our deck.
2. This morning a wren flew in the front door when my hubby went out to get the newspaper. I was still asleep but he decided he had to wake me up to come see it.
3. I can only remember a total of maybe one year of my entire life when I didn’t have at least one dog.
4. A few years ago we went upstairs to bed to find a bat flying around the bedroom. Hubby locked himself in the bathroom while I chased the bat outside. We found it dead on the balcony the next morning. Poor thing must have died of fright.
5. My sister-in-law once caught a skunk in a squirrel trap. Don’t you know that was fun!
6. I’ve seen two or three coyotes roaming the greenbelt behind our house.

And now for my tags!

Carla Stewart
Lacy Williams
Richard Mabry
Angie Breidenbach
Rhonda Gibson
Gina Conroy

Deep Edit Your Marriage with Margie Lawson!

It's another First Friday with Margie! If you've taken Margie Lawson's Deep Edits course, you are in for a treat as Margie shows us how to use her writing techniques to analyze how our marriage relationship is functioning.

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DEEP EDIT YOUR MARRIAGE!

If you know me, you know I’m a Deep Edit guru. I analyze people, books, characters, plot, writing craft . . . Analysis is my world.

When thinking about writing a blog for FIRST FRIDAYS, an idea hit: Take my Five Question Scene Check list and apply it to marriage.

Deep edit your marriage?

I developed my Five Question Scene Check list (5Q) for writers to use as a tool to be sure they’ve covered all the facets of Margie-style deep editing. That’s psychologically anchored deep editing. Most of what I teach in my editing courses is what I’ve created. It’s not the editing espoused by your 10th grade English teacher.

I present my 5Q in the Deep Editing course I teach on-line this month. The 5Q consists of five main questions. The subsets are killers. :-)))

The multiple subset questions make you analyze, assess, probe, and justify each line, paragraph, page, and scene. Applying the 5Q to your manuscript is tough. Let’s see how tough those 5 questions are when we apply it to your marriage.

Here are the 5Q topic questions. We’ll dive into each question in-depth below.

1. Any missed opportunities?

2. What could enhance emotion?

3. How can I up the stakes?

4. How much can I tighten it?

5. How does it rate? Choose 1 – 10, 10 being the Best. Justify how you rated it.

Applying the 5Q topics to deep edit your marriage:

1. Any missed opportunities?

Review the last few months. Any Missed Opportunities?

What could you and your spouse do differently?

2. How much can you tighten part of your life?

What’s in your days and weeks that you could change that would make your marriage stronger? Do you lose time to watching TV?

What can you tighten in your life so you can have more quality time together?

How can you spend less time on what you like less, and more time on what you like more?

3. What could enhance emotion in your life?

Now we’re getting into the fun questions. Is your creativity meter ticking?

Adding emotion to your marriage:

• Romance?
• Closeness with family and friends?
• More time for spirituality?
• Connecting?
• Giving back to the community?
• Giving back to meaningful organizations?
• Reaching out – good deeds – good times?

4. How can you up the stakes in your marriage?

How can you make your marriage more special? Not take it for granted. Focus on appreciating and experiencing and validating.

Make plans. Follow through.

Are you giving your marriage the positive attention it deserves?

5. How do you rate the energy you put into strengthening your marriage?

Choose a number from 1 to 10 and rate the amount of energy you put into strengthening your marriage last week. TEN being the most energy.

We all know life takes energy too. Yet, you could have spent some energy making your spouse feel special, appreciated, valued. If you did several things for your spouse, or for the two of you, rate your week an 8, 9. or 10. If you did a few things, rate it a 5, 6, or 7. If you did nothing to hardly anything, go for the 0 to 4.

If last week was below a 9, what could you have done differently? Were there times you could have done something different to strengthen the marriage?

Consider this rating exercise as research. Information. News-of-a-difference.

No blaming yourself. No judging.

Our lives are filled with controllable variables and uncontrollable variables. When the uncontrollables hit—you get the flu, the refrigerator quits, your mother-in-law visits for three weeks—you cope. Do what you can. Lower your expectations for quality time with your honey. Roll with change.

No need to rate those times. You weren’t in charge. Uncontrollables ruled. Focus on when you can make more good things happen in your marriage.

REQUEST:

Share your missed opportunities (or how you’ll pursue, not pass), how you can tighten, add emotion, and up the stakes in your marriage. Put energy into strengthening your marriage.

I wish I could respond to your posts today. I’ll spend Friday flying to Detroit to present Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors in a full-day master class on Saturday. I’ll go from the airport to a group dinner – and won’t arrive at my hotel (or internet) until late evening.

I trust that you all will share your support and ideas with each other. Feel free to post:

“I bet Margie would say . . .”

Come on – you can guess how I’d respond. Dive in!

FYI: I am teaching Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More on-line this month. The class officially started on Thursday, but people can register for several more days. www.writeruniv.com

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Margie Lawson, a counseling psychologist with a specialty in marriage and family therapy, is well known in the writing world for her expertise in Deep Editing.  Margie analyzes writing craft as well as the psyche of the writer.  She presents 1) Empowering Characters’ Emotions, 2) Deep Editing:  The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More, and 3) Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors in one and two day master classes.  She also teaches these topics in month-long on-line courses and offers Lecture Packets through PayPal from her web site.  For more information, please visit her web site, www.MargieLawson.com, or e-mail her at margie@margielawson.com.

Allergy Season

Spring has sprung. And so have my allergies. Can’t seem to escape them no matter where we live. I’m on another round of allergy shots, which do seem to help. But then the wind kicks up and here I go again.

Allergies seem to run in my family. My daughter and grandson just got tested, and would you believe--of all things--my daughter tested positive for a lettuce allergy! Has anybody ever heard of a lettuce allergy? We already knew she has serious reactions to macadamia nuts. That seemed to come out of nowhere a couple of years ago. And when she was a kid, she tried desperately to convince us she was allergic to peas. Hmmm . . . .

Our toddler granddaughter is allergic to milk. Something she no doubt inherited from her paternal grandmother. It can be a challenge sometimes to plan menus around food allergies, but when you consider the health alternative, you do what you must.

What’s the weirdest allergy you’ve ever heard of?

Star Dater: Denice Stewart!

I'm happy to welcome one of the literary world's newest stars, Denice Stewart! Denice's first children's book, Where Would Cows Hide?, is now available, and you could win a copy  for yourself or the special kid in your life by leaving a comment on this post (see details below).

Today Denice talks about the ups and downs of keeping the romance alive when you're a mom with small children.

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The phrase “dating with children” is an oxymoron, right? My husband and I have been on very few “dates” since our sons were born, and no “dates” since our daughter was born six months ago. But it doesn’t mean we don’t dream about a time in the not-so-distant future when we will be able to hire a babysitter, or leave the children with visiting grandparents, and take off for the bright lights of the big city and enjoy a cozy dinner for two. Actually, we would settle for the Taco Bell drive-thru, and thirty minutes of peace and quiet.

But even when we dated in the B.C. years (Before Children), my husband and I preferred a quiet, intimate dinner at home. We fixed dinners that would have cost us four times the money in a restaurant (steaks, grilled shrimp, sautéed veggies, fresh bread, and decadent desserts), we rented romantic movies, or sometimes we pushed the furniture back and danced to the gentle tunes of Glenn Miller.

We still try to make fancy dinners for special occasions, but we have also acknowledged that, at least for a time, official “dating” will have to wait. But there is something to be said for the family time we are surviving…I mean enjoying, now. Kids grow up fast, and we are trying to make the most of our time with the children, before they can’t stand the thought of being seen in public with their “totally lame” parents.

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AUTHOR BIO: D.C. Stewart grew up in a small town in Oklahoma, and spent most of her childhood getting into trouble with her younger brother on their ranch. She began writing short stories in high school, and won a writing competition at a nearby college at age 17. After graduating, she attended Northwestern Oklahoma State University and earned a degree in History, and also met her husband, Scott. She worked for a church in Maumelle, Arkansas as the Communications Coordinator for five years. After moving back to Oklahoma, she chose to stay home with their four year old twin boys, and six month old baby girl, and to pursue her dream of being a full-time writer. The Stewarts live in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Where Would Cows Hide? is her first novel.

WAYS TO WIN: Author D.C. Stewart is giving you a chance to win a copy of Where Would Cows Hide? and more! Here’s how to enter for a copy of WWCH and to enter the grand prize drawing. The more ways you enter, the greater your chances of winning!

1) leave a comment on this blog post (or on any of the blogs participating in the blog tour);

2) email the contest coordinator at contest@novelinspirations.com with subject line “WWCH ENTRY”;

3) join D.C. Stewart’s ezine list by either sending a blank email to: dcstewart_ezine-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visiting http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dcstewart_ezine/
and subscribing through the yahoogroups page.

Book winners and the GRAND PRIZE WINNER will be drawn on or before May 31, 2008, and will be notified by email. Please make sure you leave a valid email address on applicable blog posts.

Empty Nesters Date #3

After several delays we finally made it on our third Empty Nesters Date. The assignment was to have a relaxing picnic somewhere and talk about . . . um . . . talking. Our communication styles. What we like to talk about. What we don’t like to talk about.

So last Monday we both took a day off from our usual work schedule and went to the zoo.  The weather was ideal--slightly overcast and comfortably warm. We walked around for a bit, then stopped in at the grill and picked up a couple of burgers.

After eating, we found a quiet bench over by a monkey cage and started our discussion. Interestingly we both tagged ourselves “withdrawers” rather than “pursuers” in conversation. I meant that I’m normally quiet and reserved, letting the other person take the lead. Jack meant that, even though he’s always talkative and friendly, he is a conflict avoider. If things get too sticky, he moves on to another topic or simply moves on.

Probably our date didn’t effect any miraculous changes in the way we communicate with each other, but we definitely enjoyed a day away from home and career pressures (and TV!) so we could just talk.

The cool thing about these date assignments is that each one provides a list of questions to think about ahead of time. We jot down our thoughts separately, then at some point during the date, we share our answers. Often what we’ve come up with turns out to be quite predictable. Occasionally we surprise each other.

Which is kind of nice after nearly 36 years of marriage, don’t you think? Any happy surprises in your relationship lately?

Marlee leaves Dancing With the Stars

Everybody else seems to be blogging about American Idol. That’s one of many reality shows I just haven’t gotten into.

I am, however, addicted to Dancing With the Stars. Too bad Marlee Matlin had to go, but   this season it appears viewers are voting with their heads instead of their hearts--a welcome change--and of the remaining dancers she did appear to be the weakest.

Interesting. Last season we had Heather with her artificial leg. This season it was Marlee with hearing loss. Guts and compensation will only take you so far, though. The competition is all about who’s the best all-around dancer.

And without a doubt, this season it’s Kristi. No surprise there. Spiked heels may be a bit harder (for some people!) to maneuver in than ice skates, but she’s had years of training in both athletics and artistic interpretation.

My personal favorites are Jason and Christián. Talk about suave--those guys have the moves!

My New Desk

Finally! My husband and I have been shopping for my new desk for the past month or so, and last weekend we made our decision. The whole process had me pretty frustrated. Once I get used to things a certain way, it’s hard to think about changing, and I’d been using my old desk for close to 20 years. It served me well, but its time had come.

We looked at several different arrangements, but what we finally ended up with is turning out to be even better than my old setup. Rather than try to describe it, I’ll just post some pictures. Wish I’d taken some “before” shots but just never thought about it.

What we’ve kept are the bookshelves, the roll-top desk I use for family business, the printer table, and a couple of small work tables. The new pieces are the big white corner table and the extension where my laptop is sitting. (The yellow Lab mix and black border-collie-something-or-other are permanent fixtures.)

Coincidentally, over in Seekerville today, Tina is talking about office organization. She has lots of great tips, and of course our visitors have plenty of thoughts to add. Stop by and maybe you’ll pick up a helpful hint or two.

Busy

It’s been one of those weeks. Something every single day. Physical therapy appointments for my shoulder (impingement and bursitis--ugh!). Hairstylist (highlights were fading). Dentist (re-replace a replacement filling--didn’t seal right the first time).

Then on Friday, lunch with my crit partner at The Cheesecake Factory! That’s something worth looking forward to!

All these extra things going on, however, mean I’m not putting in the writing hours I’d like to. I’m also getting a bit (a bit???) anxious about some agent and editorial queries that have been out there awhile. Nothing happens quickly in the publishing world. I know this all too well. Doesn’t keep me from wondering and worrying though.

It's Friday . . .

Do you know what your date plans are?

Sorry, no guest Star Dater today. You’re stuck with me. And my “dating life” has been in kind of a rut. My sweetie and I had made a fairly good beginning with Dating for Empty-Nesters. Then a series of life events got us off track.

Funerals and writers conferences can do that to you.

The problem is, ruts can be terribly hard to break out of. We get into the habit of not dating, not practicing proactive romance behaviors, and we’re back to what I have come to call “cooperative cohabitation.” Not bad . . . just not great.

Suggestions, please. How do you and your sweetie recapture the romance when your marriage relationship gets stuck in low gear?

Poor Puppy!

Feeling sorry for Gracie, my sweet, klutzy Lab mix. About a month ago she had a large cyst removed from her hip. It wasn’t healing as it should. Hence another trip to the vet yesterday. She came home with this collar, which is supposed to keep her from licking and irritating the incision. Doesn’t keep her from barking at the kids coming home from school, though.